New Rule! Too good to forget

On Real Time this past Friday (3/23/2007):

New Rule: Traitors don’t get to question my patriotism. What could be less patriotic than constantly screwing things up for America? You know, it’s literally hard to keep up with the sheer volume of scandals in the Bush Administration. Which is why I like to download the latest scandal right onto my iPod. That way, I can catch up on this week’s giant fuck-up on my drive in to work.

In fact, Bush has so many scandals, he could open a chain of “Bush Scandal and Fuck-up” theme restaurants. “Ooh, should I get the Harriet Miers meatloaf or the Katrina crab cakes?

You know, not to generalize, but the 29% of people who still support President Bush are the ones who love to pronounce themselves more patriotic than the rest of us. But just saying you’re patriotic is like saying you have a big cock. If you have to say it, chances are it’s not true.

And, indeed, the party that flatters itself that they protect America better is the party that has exhausted the military, left the ports wide open and purposefully outed a CIA agent, Valerie Plame.

That’s not treason anymore? Outing a spy? Did I mention it was one of our spies? And how despicable that Bush’s lackeys attempted to diminish this crime by belittling her service, like she was just some chick who hung around the CIA. “An intern, really. Groupie, if you want to be mean about it.”

No. Big lie. Valerie Plame was the CIA’s operational officer in charge of counter-proliferation. Which means she tracked loose nukes. So, when Bush said, as he once did, that his absolute, number-one priority was preventing terrorists from getting loose nukes, okay, that’s what she worked on. That’s what she devoted her life to, staying undercover for 20 years, maintaining two identities every goddamn day. This is extraordinary service to your country.

Valerie Plame was the kind of real-life secret agent George Bush dreams of being when he’s not too busy pretending to be a cowboy or a fighter pilot.

CIA agents are troops. This was a military assassination of one of our own, done through the press, ordered by Karl Rove. He said, of Valerie Plame, quote, “She fair game.” And then Cheney shot her.

George Bush likes to claim that he doesn’t question his critics’ patriotism, just their judgment. Well, let me be the first of your critics, Mr. President, to question your judgment and your patriotism. Because, let’s not forget why they did it to her. Because Valerie Plame was married to this guy, Joe Wilson, who the Bush people hated because he busted them on one of their bullshit reasons for invading Iraq.

He was sent to the African country of Niger to see if Niger was selling nuclear fuel to Iraq. They weren’t. It was bullshit, and he said so. In fact, his report was called, “Niger, Please!”

Valerie Plame’s husband told the truth about their lie, so they were willing to jeopardize an entire network of spies to ruin her life. Wow, even the mob doesn’t go after your family.

Mark Twain said, “Patriotism is supporting your country all the time, and your government when it deserves it.” And I say Valerie Plame is a patriot because she spent her life serving her country. Scooter Libby is not, because he spent his life serving Dick Cheney.

Valerie Plame kept her secrets. The Bush Administration leaked like the plumbing at Walter Reed.